SOURCE: “A sweet problem: Princeton researchers find that high-fructose corn syrup prompts considerably more weight gain,” Princeton University, 22 Mar 2010, as used in the post Corn syrup not so sweet.
ABSTRACT: I confess. Our household was recently overrun with Mountain Dew Throwback, and the family all went mad. Sugar in soda – who’d have thunk it? It tasted like I remembered… like I forgot I’d ever known. So now there’s a flat of Mexican cokes taking up a corner of the kitchen. I grew up in sugar country, more or less, so I feel like in some way drinking this is doing my patriotic duty as a South Floridian. I don’t know *what* them Nebraskans is trying to do to us with all that huskin’ and squeezin’.
Anyway, Mexican coke is a nostalgic flavor, and summer is the most nostalgic of seasons, and so I figured if you’re going to sing about the whole to-do with high-fructose corn syrup, you might as well aim for summer music, which kinda has to be classic rock. My apologies to Steve Miller (as well as Texas boogiers ZZ Top and Roky Erickson).
The main problem with classic rock is that it’s really hard to record in a home studio that’s really just a room with glass doors right next to the bedroom where one’s spouse is sleeping. But one does what one can in the time allotted. Try to imagine it’s really, like, Fountains of Wayne or something. And maybe listen while driving through nowhere with the windows open.
ANNOTATED LYRICS: MEXICAN COKE
Not every soda machine can keep my motor clean
We could wait until the research is conclusive
But I won’t take the blame for those corn-fed dames
Regular folks like a sip of [Mexican coke (x4)]
As long as I am able, I’m gonna check the label
…Before I give that sweet thing a try
You can’t trust every farmer’s daughter
To do the things she oughtta
When the corn syrup gets sticky, they won’t say why
You might think it’s funny
In this land of milk and honey
To watch us getting bigger every day
Who needs another dose of that high fructose?
Baby it’s no joke – pass me another [Mexican coke (x4)]
Don’t get suspicious, I know it’s not nutritious
..But it always leaves me satisfied
I got the sun in my face, got no glucose-isomerase
So I don’t worry ’bout what’s going on inside
Maybe it’s old fashioned to go sugar-crashing
Maybe you think I’m just corny
I’ll never cry you a river over fat on my liver
Let’s go for broke
& drink another [Mexican coke (x4)]