Men need not apply.

The Telegraph, among other news sources, revels in my obsolescence. I am biologically and genetically surplus to needs. I am a man, and they’ve found the first species that’s done away with men altogether:

Researchers were first drawn to Mycocepurus smithii by its skill at cultivating various different fungal crops for food but closer inspection raised questions about the ants’ sex life.

Six separate tests on the ants failed to uncover any males, researchers led by Anna Himler at the University of Texas at Austin wrote in the British journal Proceedings of the Royal Society.

They reproduce by cloning queens whenever they need a new crop of babies. The rest of the time, they compare drape patterns and oh god I am not going to tumble into the cesspool of gender-essentialist gags if I can at all help myself. Which I can’t, because I’m a man.